To Thank, or Not to Thank???

This example of a non-verbal miscue happened just days ago. I was out with a few friends celebrating one of my good friends getting accepted into law up in Boston, so needless to say he is leaving soon. Usually for a celebration of this kind, we would tend to pick a night that was less busy or crowded, since we are not there for the atmosphere, but to see a friend off with other friends and not have to worry about other people we do not know getting in the way I guess you could say. However, since this came kind of suddenly, we decided to go out on a whim.

It was Friday night, pretty late, and the bar was crowded with people to the point that you could not walk. You had to do one of those "hold your drink above your head" deals so you would not bump into the all the people and spill it everywhere. Since it was very crowded in there, the lines to get a drink of any kind at the bar were very long, as opposed to the normal walk right up to the bar kind of nights.

Well, having been a bartender myself before, I was feeling for the lone bartender working that night. Who knows why he was there alone... probably someone called out, short staffed, who knows. But he was working as fast as he possibly could to get everyone's drinks in a timely manner. So with this in mind I waited patiently at the bar and got passed over a few times, that is just the way it goes sometimes. So when I finally gave him my drink order and received it a few minutes had passed by, and many people around were agitated by this, as most people tend to be now a days if anything takes longer than three seconds it seems, especially in a crowded loud bar.

After getting my drink and paying for it, tipping, etc, I gave him what I have always viewed as a friendly gesture... the sign language for "thank you." Well, I often forget that not everyone knows what this means. Myself, I do not know sign language, only a few things I picked up along the way. Well, he looked at me pissed off like, and the next time he ignored me when I went to get a drink. Come to find out later that one of my friends I was knew the guy from a previous job, and the bartender thought I was telling him something else with my "thank you" gesture. Let's just say he thought I was giving him the same as a middle finger.

After I found this out I explained to him what I meant and apologized for the confusion. After I said that he felt a little silly for misreading me and all was forgotten. So I guess the lesson of this is, never assume that people will understand your gestures no matter how common you think they may be. If I would have mouthed "thank you" along with the gesture would it have changed anything? Probably so. But the gesture itself was found to be offensive, even if it was with the best intentions.