perception deception

i was playing basketball one time and thought that one player had the ball when really another player had the ball and scored! my perception decieved me and caused the other team to get two points ahead! that is my perception deception!

Crap colored glasses

I hesitate to trust my perception because it has failed me so many times in the past. I would often see things through the filter of what I had been taught as a child or what I had read and taught myself. Also I would look at life tinted by emotions, especially fear. As I have grown older (and hopefully wiser), many of the ideas that I held dear have changed.

For example, for at least a decade I saw and heard of the abuse and brutality of the police (and started breaking laws) and just knew that the one mission of the police was to persecute me and make my life miserable (and take my money). When I stopped breaking laws I stopped paying fines and going to jail. Now I look at the police and see an organization that helps to protect law-abiding people like me (though there are mnay abuses of the power they are given to protect with).

Another instance of perception gone wrong involves a self-fulfilling prophecy. For years I thought that having been homeschooled and growing up on top of a hill in the middle of the woods left me socially retarded. This perception caused me to be shy and standoffish around people and not make friends. This reinforced my faulty perception, causing me to become even more distant. I have come to realize that I am just people, just like other people, a regular guy. This sometimes allows me to see past the dirty lens of my mind's eye and learn to appreciate people. This perception is stubborn though, and will probably take continued work to perceive more clearly. Journey onward.

Peace be with ya'll,

Aaron Doyka

Ground Control to Major James....

When something is not as they seem... hmmm.
Well, I guess talk about something funny. Before I stopped being a touring musician a little over a year ago, there would be many days and nights (sometimes it felt like days on end) that I would have to go without sleep. But one time I remember very clearly.

It wasn't my turn to drive the van, but Noah had a little too much to drink after the show so i volunteered so the next time my turn to drive would be skipped. Well anyway, we were driving through the desert outside Phoenix somewhere in the middle of no-wheres-ville. It was the middle of the night and everyone passed out except for me. Now to this point I had been up for almost 48 hours straight. Not safe, I know. That's for another blog on driver safety, haha.

So anyway, the sky was very clear that night and the desert out there is very flat, so I could see the stars from the sky all the way to the bottom of the earth. The desert was so flat it seemed to go on and on, right into the stars with no end in sight. Now on no sleep and feeling like Jack's Sneaking Revenge from Fight Club or something, this started to mess with my head. No sleep is some kind of natural acid, and can mess with a man on a lonely stretch of desert in the middle of the night.

They Are Not So Bad After All!

I used to think that people who worked at a hospital were just cranky and illnatured. I never liked going to the hospital anyways. The thought of getting cut up and getting poked with needles all day for who know what just irritated me. Well I met a girl a little over a year ago and we dated. I came to find out that she was a nurse at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital and was real skeptical about who she was. I started to critic her every word and all that she did. When she would be upset and take it out on me for the way I drove, for example, I just thought to myself, "well she is a nurse". Then finally One day we talked about our days at work and what we had experienced as we learned more and more about eachother. She started tellnig me about all the little kids she has to keep up with at the hospital and how emotional it is for her to see the families struggle like they do when they have a child with a critical illness or whatever the case may be. She told me it was real hard for her to see those families experience all they did, and she would feel so bad for them, not knowing most of the time how to help them, if their kid was not improving health-wise. So then it finaly occured to me that they( nurses, doctors, hospital workers) are not so bad after all, atleast at Valberbilt. It was a big lesson for me and also a big change of perspective as well.

No School for You

Graduation week was just around the corner. I hear everyone excited about what university or college they are getting ready to attend. I sit, hopelessly. I received an appointment to West Point Academy, denied. 3 year scholarship to Vanderbilt University, denied. Belmond, denied. I had all these open doors, and I was the one who had to close the door.
I, just like everyone else, knew that I would be attending a great school. I had no worries, my grades were good, I had so many things under my belt, nothing could hold me down. Never did I imagine that being illegal would hold me down in the way that it has. I mean, is it my fault im in the United States, did I ask to be brought over? No. My perception was, i'm getting ready to leave home and go to school. I already had schools asking about me, I was sending in applications, writing essays and for what? It wasn't until a week before graduation that my counsilor sat me down and dropped the news. "Cristal, i'm so sorry but as of right now there isn't much of an option". So I guess that's how i'm supposed to live. I have to work for the rest of my life, save every nickel and dime to attend school part time, because I can only afford to take on at a time, due to the out of state tuition. Is this right? Is this legal? According to law, it sure it. How can somone's hopes and dreams be demolished over their status in the U.S. I guess it makes sense though, I guess I can understand the National Security Issue.
I led myself to believe that I wouldn't be one of the kids that didn't do anything with their lives. I felt like I hit rock bottom. Here I am graduation day, looking forward to what? It was a bitter sweet day for me, but life is what it is. I can only control what I think and do. Failed perception, my friends. I thought one thing, when it was the complete opposite. It's been tough, but I can't change it. I just hope to be some kind of inspiration for someone in my exact position, it can be done. You need to work your butt off, and dedicate yourself to exceeding the limitations. I just hope that i'm never let down in that way again.

The Grass Is Not Greener....

I've been a construction worker for many years. After enduring a long span of sexual harassment at one particular company I decided I woud leave the industry behind and pursue an office job within a different industry. I applied for a position with a company that broadcasts a radio show on talk radio dealing with money.

I was intrigued for several reasons. I knew I would never have to worry about sexual harassment in a normal work environment (naive yes). I was going to have the opportunity to work with females for the first time. Most importantly I would be free to be open about my Christianity and not have my faith stifled or ridiculed by my coworkers; it is mandatory of course to be a Christian to work there afterall.

Things started out smoothly until I realized I had entered a new realm of hell. I quickly learned that which denomination of Christinaity you belong to is a major factor in who will and will not associate with you. I was promptly informed that my traditional way of worship at my small church was no competition for the large liberated churches with their drum sets, electric guitars and preachers in flip flops. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy these kinds of services mid week for a pick me up, but I was not accustomed to that style of worship on Sunday mornings and was shunned for it.

Working with females was a new experience for me, and I realized (no offense intended ladies) that I related much better to the men with whom I had worked before. I hadn't heard so much gossip, seen such cattiness, or felt like I was in the midst of a seething cauldron like I had when I worked among the ladies.

What prompted my quick exodus from any social circle within the realm of ladies I believe had something to do with my desire to actually work between 8 and 5, a standard not held in high regard by most employees in that company.... and that behavior is acceptable! When approached at my desk I would promptly respond that if they had nothing of a business nature to speak with me about they could send me an email or catch me after work. This would cause them to cry uncontrollably (I am not making this up) running into my supervisor's office explaining to him how mean I am for not chatting with them. My supervisor would then call me into his office giving me a thirty minute lecture about not being so abrupt with the ladies and trying to develop relationships.... and I thought I was here to work. my mistake

What ultimately led me to the end of my rope with this company is how intrusive they were into every aspect of every employee's life. If I had been caught at Applebees sitting at the bar with a beer I could be fired. If I had a person of a different gender living with me as my roommate, and we were unmarried I could be fired. The fact that I am a smoker met with constant scrutiny, though I only smoked on my lunchbreak and did so off the premises.

This was a blessing and a curse. I had a shotgun wedding and for the most part a shotgun divorce. Having no friends in the company I obviously chose to not share my nuptuals or pending divorce with any of my coworkers; it was afterall none of their business. Somehow they found out and chastised me for divorcing after 3 weeks of marraige. I was given the option to enter a six month emotional rehabilitation program (in house) at a facility of their choosing financed by them or be fired. hmmmmm.... I'd say I chose option 2 thank you very much. Don't you love working in a "right to work" state?

I was quite grateful for the three months severance package they gave me. It was a lovely addition to my bank account after acquiring a new position in less than a week...... you got it-back in construction! I love the company I work with now and feel priviledged to walk in the doors of their office every day. There are some interesting challenges one must face in the construction industry, but I will take them any day over the drama and chaos of a normal office. My perceptions of life without a toolbelt were seriously incorrect and naive. The grass was not at all greener on the other side.

I have a friend who is always in and out of trouble. She was recently involved in a DUI. I spoke with her and tried drill it in her head that there are obviously other people on the roads and she could have really hurt someone. She seemed so upset and ashamed of her actions. I honestly believed she was going to straighten up. The very next chance she got she was out drinking and driving. I thought she was a decent person and I again believed that she would change. I was completely wrong.