How do we know what to say and when to say it? If I could answer that question and give you a simple formula wouldn't the world be an easier place to live? We all make mistakes in interactions all the time. However, we all also do a reasonably good job of making it through each day being understood and not upsetting too many people.
The rules of interaction are not very formal and have as many variations as there are people and situations. Some people are easy to engage in conversation and some are very difficult. We have days when it seems that everyone understands just what we say and days we may as well be talking to a brick wall.
Efforts have been made to state rules of conversation such as Paul Grice's work with the Cooperative Principle. I think much of what we know about good communication we learn from bad communicators or those who model what we should NOT do.
Think about those people with whom you try to avoid conversing. Tell me about those people and their habits which make them so annoying.
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There is a gentleman I know that whenever we have a conversation, be it based on factual information or opinion, becomes adamant to the point of irrationality that his perceptions are correct, regardless of his actual knowledge of the given subject. His refusal to question his own preconceived notions of a topic, even when given concrete evidence of their fallacy, continuously astounds (and often offends) me.
Teenagers! It's almost impossible to talk with, much less try and actually teach them anything - because they already have the answers - just ask them, they will tell you. My daughter (16) asked me, her medically trained father, a medical question, and when I gave her the answer, she dismissed it and told me her friend, also a teenager, said that wasn't right, and I was so stupid. Why they even bother to asks us dumb adults anything is beyond me.
We all know adults like this as well, and sometimes we even work for them, or with them, and it's not so easy to dismiss them. That being the case, we can take a cue from the military and work our way up the chain-of-command until we find someone who isn't afriad to admit they just don't know the answer.
Going up the chain doesn't mean you will find someone who knows what they don't know. Remember the "Peter Principal" that a person will rise to their level of incompetence. In all honesty I have never really run into this "principal".
Like leo I work with a person that at times is very difficult due to their belief of how things are or work. If you disagree it becomes very difficult to withdraw from a conversation with him. I think his maxim is to pound away at dissenters until their unconditional surrender and agreement with his view.
There are times in a conversation when you just don't know what to say. When the conservatijon deals with a personal matter, one would need to be very careful in what they say in the conservation because you would never want to offend anyone. So when you engage in any conservation be sure that you know what to say and when to say it.
I had a friend that would just make up stories. I assume he was a pathological liar. So I avoid having conversation with people like that. People that don't ask me questions and talk about themselves for long periods of time. Other then that I don't have any biases.
A LADY THAT I WORK WITH HAS A BAD HABIT OF NOT STAYING ON TRACK. SHE WILL START A CONVERSATION ABOUT ONE THING AND END UP ON SOMETHING TOTALY DIFFERENT. I FIND MYSELF LOOKING AT HERE LIKE SHE IS A TOTAL IDIOT.
I have a relative who either misses my point or rambles on about something totally indirect when i am speaking to her. She is especially indirect when i am asking her a question about something. She goes into something else without answering that question. In other words she kind of beats arnd the bush.
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